“6:20 p.m. A girl who looks to be about four years old walks into the dining room wearing bright orange lipstick, and the hostess gives her crayons. She is my only rival for command of this TGI Friday’s.”
This whole article made me laugh, but this line made me absolutely howl:
Life is a like a box of of mozzarella sticks. You never know what you’re gonna get, but you can predict with 100 percent accuracy that it will be a mozzarella stick.
It is difficult to conceive of an artistic medium more naturally suited to the Victorian Gothic than the woodcut, or a graver whose style so powerfully evokes the sinister and tempestuous spirit of the genre so well as Fritz Eichenberg. Distinctive for their dramatic composition and stagecraft, wild, curvilinear textures and darkly-hewn, agonizing characters, Eichenberg’s illustrations are featured in the work of the Brontë sisters and Edgar Allan Poe, as well as Dostoevsky, Shakespeare, and a laundry list of other classic writers distinguished for exploring themes of social injustice, spiritual conflict and emotional turmoil. (x)
All my checks will…
bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce.
Seagrams poppin’ in our refrigerator, $5 for 4 bottles and I save ‘em for later. I got: ramen on the left [left], pizza on the right [right], and a free month on netflix so we stay turnt up all night.
so it was my best friend’s 16th birthday and we had this really intense sexual tension since i kissed him by accident this one time and we were with all our other friends so he took me into another room and said “i literally think i’m in love with you” and then we just kissed for like half an hour until he finally started pulling my shirt up but then his mom walked in and didn’t even flinch like literally “hey son i’m ordering pizza oh hi girl who is making out with my son” and kept talking and we were just standing there uncomfortably and when we finally unfroze he yelled “MOM IT’S MY BIRTHDAY” and that’s the story of the first time my fiancé told me he loved me.
Okay so there was this really hot new foreign exchange student at our school from the UK and we flirted a lot and long story short I ended up losing my virginity in our school’s janitor closet. It was really really hot and then when he came he whispered “god bless america” in my ear